My Own Thoughts

Three posts in one day! I know I am getting a little crazy! This post is more for me than anything else. Its me getting my own thoughts written down about Tyler and the child that he is. It will probably be jumbled and pieced together and rather long, so you have fair warning if you read ahead.

When I was at the doctor for Carter today I mentioned some of Tyler's quirks. She said that they seemed normal, we just want to make sure he doesn't regress in any areas and we will keep a close eye on his development. She commented on his perfectionism and said he will probably always be a perfectionist and its good that we are seeing it now so we will be able to accommodate it later. Like when he is 3-4 and won't leave the house until whatever he is working on is perfect.

I was talking about how Carter already tries to do the hand motions and sing along to the songs at church and how Tyler still just sits there with his fingers in his mouth. Tyler's speech therapist said today that this is just who Tyler is and his personality. He will probably always be the kid that needs a lot of confidence before he will do something, he may never be the type of kid to perform, and will always be on the shy side. He may very well grow out of these things, but he also may not. That's just who he is.

I have been thinking a lot about this, even before she brought it up. That this is who Tyler is. Quirks and all. And to him they are not quirks, they are who he is. So I will no longer try to call them quirks. I love Tyler for who he is and wouldn't want to change him. However I do at times wish he was more outgoing, wish he would play like the other kids play. I think as parents we all have dreams of what we want our child to be. To be the star football player, to be the popular kid, to be the best singer in the school, to be a math whiz. Whatever it is, you have hopes that your child will want to be these things. I think I am realizing that Tyler may not be what I wanted him to be. He will be who he is. And that is ok.

Its ok if he isn't the kid in his class who everyone likes. Its ok if he would rather be a book worm than an athlete. Do I wish that he would sing along with the songs and do the motions to the wheels on the bus like all the other kids do at church? Yeah I do. Do I wish that he would be able to talk to adults instead of look away with his fingers in his mouth? Yeah I do. I would be lying if I said I didn't. But that is something I need to get over. Tyler is who he is and I never want him to feel that I wish he was different. I hope that he doesn't sense that from me.

Who knows, Tyler may grow out of this. By the time he gets to Kindergarten he may be singing along to all the songs and talk to anyone and everyone. But right now he doesn't. And that's ok. That's more than ok, because that is who he is.

Because of his perfectionism, he very well could be the guy who cures cancer because of he wont stop until he gets it right. Since he is an introvert may make him the best counselor in the world because he listens and watches better than most.

Will I stop trying to teach him the motions to wheels on the bus - nope. Will I pull him out of the nursery so he doesn't have to interact with anyone else - nope. I want him to be able to have experiences in these things so that one day he may have confidence to do them. I will continue to put him in soccer, gymnastics, music classes etc so that he can find out what he likes to do, what he wants to do with his life. He enjoys going to church and going to soccer lessons. He enjoys watching the other kids play. Right now that's all that matters. That for the most part he is a happy kid who loves to giggle and play. That's all that matters. That's all that will ever matter.

If you read this far I apologize for my jumbled thoughts. However I do have a question, as a parent have you ever felt this same way?